I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
