What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You ruined the universe
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
