my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
