I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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