TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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