im gay
i know
yea but for you.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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