i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
