remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
