I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
