Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
