Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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