Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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