You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
nutella sex= disaster
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Randomize
