so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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