I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
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