It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
