but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
