so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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