I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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