This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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