And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
