You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
