R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
