fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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