Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
