I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
