dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
