how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
