Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
