so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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