I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
