which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
