I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize