Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
