guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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