I am midnight drunk by noon
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
