Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
