Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
