I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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