i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
