he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
being pregnant is like rehab
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
