instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
