I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
