i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
