Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
