operation have a gay friend backfired
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
