His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
