Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
