Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i think we sleep fucked last night...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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