I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
