I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
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