I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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