we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
