were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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