also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
